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                                          When Your Heart Stops Beating

My first thought is that she pronounced his last name wrong.
My second is that sheís lying.
                                                                  ~
When you think of a person, a tiny file of memory opens in your brain, containing everything you know about them. All the good memories youíve made, stupid jokes that have been laughed at, every tear that you may have shed thinking about him or her, itís all in there. Over time, that folder gets bigger and bigger, but a few papers and video clips inside have bright post-it flags on them. Those are the ones that really stand out. Maybe they are nice times, maybe not, but you remember them more than the others for one reason or another.

One such flagged memory, deciding that this is the right time, plays itself through my head. It is from last year, standing in homeroom, the two of us staring at a white sheet of paper pinned to the wall by the door. It is the list of students who ordered a yearbook. I was complaining that my last name was spelled wrong. ĎPeople always spell my name wrong.í He said. ĎAnd they pronounce it wrong too. Itís with a v, not an f.í I laughed at that. I could relate.
                                                                  ~
She pronounced his name wrong. That bothers me more than the notice she is reading. It should be the other way around, but because she is lying, she has to be lying, it doesnít matter. I decide that I will tell him that later when I see him after science.

Thatís another post-it memory. He has science at the same time as I do, in the room right across the hallway. I see him almost every time I leave the room. But not after Learning Center on day two. Thatís in the science room also. And now Iím going into another folder of thought.

I think someone behind me is crying. She must have believed the notice that the teacher read. I am glad that Iím not fooled that easily. Maybe I should tell her not to cry because sheíll see him after school. I wonder if they are reading this same notice in his homeroom too. He must think that itís ridiculous. He has a good sense of humor. Thatís not a flagged memory, but itís in there. A small post-it attached to the back of another, more important paper.

The bell rings. I restack my books and slide the pile off the table and into my arms. There are six feet between where I started and where I am going. Apparently, it takes only six feet to realize that something is terribly wrong.
                                                                  ~
Another paper got added to the folder. I think my mind isnít yet sure if this memory should have a post-it flag, or if it should be just another sheet of paper. Four letter word. It canít be that hard, right? Thereís a mind folder of vocabulary with hundreds of four-letter words in it that donít have post-it flags. Why should this one be any different? In fact, this word is in that file right now, no flag.
                                                                  ~
I think someone just asked me if I am alright. I think I am crying. I think I am not alright after all.

I try to say to her that I am fine. She is my good friend. I donít want her to worry. I try to say to her that I am fine, but my throat closes up and a tear threatens to slide out from its hiding place behind my glasses, so I cannot. I nod instead.

I wonder if she can tell that I am not fine. Probably she can, if not from the way I gave her a choked out, incoherent mutter instead of an answer, then from the way my teary eyes refuse to meet her concerned ones.
                                                                  ~
Other students shuffle into the room, some red eyed like me, some silent, some not having traveled those most important six feet. I pity them the most, because when the understanding comes, it comes with no forgiveness, and no sympathy.
                                                                  ~
It has been some time now since the notice, since the mispronounced last name, since my six feet and the cold realization of understanding. Maybe I have gotten over it. I have stood in the cold rain, staring at the backs of mourners, and contemplating the undersides of the umbrellas they use to shield themselves from the tears of heaven.

Even now, it all still seems a bit surreal. Even after I watched my friends carefully drop dirt into a hole in the ground that seems too impossibly small to hold that exuberant personality, even after I stood on the side without the heart to pick up the spade myself.

My friend comes over to my house. ĎListen to this song.í She tells me. ĎSomeone told me it was his favorite song.í I wonder why suddenly now everyone knows so much about him. Wasnít he just a student that half these people hadnít said two words to just a few days before? But I will not say this to her, because she is one of the ones who never spoke to him. Instead, I let her play the song.

Iíll be there when your heart stops beating,
Iíll be there when your last breathís taken away,
In the dark when thereís no one listening,
In the times when we both get carried away.


I let her play the song, and I wonder what he was thinking.
My memoir for English class.

Wow, a DD. That's... amazing. I never expected to get one of those. I really appreciate all the comments and praise and suggestions I've gotten since this came out.

Please, if this touched you in any way at all, comment?
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Daily Deviation

Given 2007-06-06
A perfect example of how emotion can transcend age, When Your Heart Stops Beating by 8th grader~MyMidnightLove acts as the internal monologue of a collective tragedy. ( Suggested by cut-devil4 and Featured by fourteenthstar )
:iconwithwords:
WithWords Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2012
This really hurt to read, it's so human and real. I can relate.
You're very talented. :)
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:iconsummer-sorrow:
Summer-Sorrow Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2010  Student Writer
This really, really spoke to me.
This is an amazing piece of writing, and you totally deserve the DD you received :D
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:icongeodeek:
geodeek Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2009   Photographer
wow, you just brought back a crap load of memories.


thank you.
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:iconephemeral-song:
Ephemeral-Song Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2009
Wow, that was terribly magical and powerful. The emotive feeling was quietly and slowly explosive, the radius of thought and expression vivid and uniquely depicted. This really did move me, and brought me to similar paths, not simply because of personal losses, but just my view of the world. It's sad that people don't learn to appreciate another's existence until it's too late. Suddenly, when that person is gone, all the people that couldn't have bothered with knowing them when they were alive suddenly know that individual's darkest secret and are the closest and dearest friend that departed ever chanced to have. It saddens me greatly...even more so when I see all the missed chances of those who are alive, in knowing the living that still travel invisible. The cycle is doomed to repeat.


Beautiful and touching prose. I adore this piece, it'll definitely be sacred. ^___^
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:iconitsxmagik:
ItsxMagik Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2008
Now that I think of it, I might have known the person in this (seeing as it's non-fiction).
What was his name?
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:iconmhrock:
Mhrock Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2008
!. You seem to see people very technically, with these folders, like computers, but in my opinion there are no folders, there is just a place where everything lies out of order.
@. "I try to say to her that I am fine. She is my good friend. I don’t want her to worry. I try to say to her that I am fine, but my throat closes up and a tear threatens to slide out from its hiding place behind my glasses, so I cannot. I nod instead."
I can endorse these words, sometimes it's hard to speak although you want to say a lot.
#. This is so realistic, for me so personal that I could write it.
Reply
:iconmymidnightlove:
MyMidnightLove Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2008
Thanks, glad you liked it. I'm pretty sure my opinion on things like folders has changed between then and now, but then again, it could just be because of all the clutter up there, haha. Thanks for commenting!
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:iconmhrock:
Mhrock Featured By Owner Sep 27, 2008
We all change and it's good to write down our thoughts and compare them in few years, sometimes it makes you laugh, sometimes - cry, sometimes just brings back memories. Well, after all it makes you see how (much) you've changed and I think it makes you be spiritually richer.
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:iconitsxmagik:
ItsxMagik Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2008
Wow. This is amazing. I searched When Your Heart Stops Beating because that's a song by my favourite band, and this came up. I'm so happy I read this. You show so much emotion. Beautiful. :+favlove:
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:iconmymidnightlove:
MyMidnightLove Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2008
Thanks, I'm glad you liked it!
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:iconitsxmagik:
ItsxMagik Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2008
You're welcome. I'm glad you wrote it. :D This is really good for being written in grade 8.
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:iconzukobabe:
ZuKoBaBe Featured By Owner May 19, 2008
omg that is so beautiful i read this in college and i started crying...i was also listening to a sad song at the time...so yea....everyone kept bugging me to tell them what was wrong here's how our convo went

Alexis: why you crying?
Me: nothing just something that i saw
Alexis: did your cat die?
Moroku: don't be harsh alexis.
Me: your gonna laugh when i tell you the reason why i'm crying
Alexis and Moroku: try us
Me: i read a sad story on the net whilst i was listening to sad music and yea....thats why i'm crying
alexis and moroku: WHAT.........!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

so yea thats the story of today....lol

i can't beleive i told them that i was reading something on the net and it made me cry.....*slaps forehead for being stupid*

othger than that it was all very good and well written
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:iconmymidnightlove:
MyMidnightLove Featured By Owner May 19, 2008
haha, wow, thank you very much. That's extremely high praise, and I'm really really really glad you liked it. And don't worry about that stuff... I don't know if you know the series fruits basket, but just yesterday I admitted that I cried during like, every book but the first one. haha ><
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:iconzukobabe:
ZuKoBaBe Featured By Owner May 23, 2008
friuts basket made me cry and i'm only up to book 6-7....
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:icongayrainbowfish:
gayrainbowfish Featured By Owner Apr 20, 2008
this is beautiful. really.
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:iconmymidnightlove:
MyMidnightLove Featured By Owner Apr 20, 2008
thank you. really.
Reply
:iconbeckyrose:
BeckyRose Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2007  Hobbyist
Beautifully written- my eyes are welling up right now. The emotion was incredible. Amazing work.
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:iconworldwalker:
worldwalker Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2007
This is so wonderfully written and so full of emotion that it makes me want to cry. Excellent, excellent job.
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:iconmymidnightlove:
MyMidnightLove Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2007
Thank you.
Reply
:iconsadisticicecream:
SadisticIceCream Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2007   Writer
I read this, and my first impression was, this is amazing. And then I read the DD description, and I was totally blown away. You wrote this in eighth grade?! Gosh, I wish I had that much talent right now, let alone at your age! The way you write comes off to me as quite mature, the content hits close to home, and your descriptions are great. I especially love how you describe memories as files, with Post-Its and flags.

This is a great piece. Keep writing; I see great things ahead for you. :D
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:iconmymidnightlove:
MyMidnightLove Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2007
Thanks so much, I'm really glad you liked it. Most of my writing isn't anywhere near that good, it was just becasue I was really emotional at that moment... >< As for the whole post-it thing, I've gotten a lot of comments on that... I guess that's just always how I thought about things... Lolz, write about what you know, right?

But thanks so much for taking the time to comment!!
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:iconwindwater:
windwater Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2007
it's so sad :(
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:iconiphoneabuser:
iPhoneabuser Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2007
This is...
More than incredible.
I don't think I've ever seen a piece that rivals this.
And that's quite unusual.
Because I've seen quite a lot.
Congratulations on writing such a heart-rending piece. Hope you keep going!
Reply
:iconmymidnightlove:
MyMidnightLove Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2007
Thanks, I'm really glad that you liked it.
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:iconayamechanx3:
AyameChanX3 Featured By Owner Jul 24, 2007
wow...that's so beautiful
well written :+favlove:
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:iconmymidnightlove:
MyMidnightLove Featured By Owner Jul 24, 2007
THanks so much, I'm glad you liekd it!!!
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:iconpersonae:
Personae Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2007
Wow. This was just really emotional. I found it after submitting my own piece . The facts tell the story very nicely. I put this in my favs. Great job, MML.
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:iconmymidnightlove:
MyMidnightLove Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2007
Thanks very much.
Reply
:iconjesterseven:
JesterSeven Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2007
Wow, I didn't realize this was a lengthy piece. I saw it on the front page a while ago and through it was a short poem. Just the first two lines were all I saw, and it was enough to make me remember it. When I get the time I'll have to read over the whole thing.
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:iconmymidnightlove:
MyMidnightLove Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2007
lol, yeah. I have a tendancy to get pretty lazy when something looks long...
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:iconinkursion:
InKursion Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2007
Quite unbelievable that this was a piece of work for 8th grade English. I'm not all so familiar with the American educational system- but I do understand that the quality of this work far surpasses the average level of literature in school :).

A deserved 100/100.
Reply
:iconmymidnightlove:
MyMidnightLove Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2007
Thanks so much!!! It's way better than my usual works though... lol
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:iconcellophane-rose:
cellophane-rose Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2007  Hobbyist General Artist
omg.... summer of 8th to 9th for me... i had to write a lot o pieces for 7th and 8th but i don't think any were as good as this one... it touches you, creating a lingering memoy in your soul..
i salute you :salute:
p.s. i love +44 :heart:
Reply
:iconmymidnightlove:
MyMidnightLove Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2007
Thanks, this is probably one of the best things I've ever written. I'm not usualy anything close to that. But I'm glad you liked it.

MML
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:icondrop-asd:
drop-asd Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2007
This was totally stunning! :wow:
You deserve your feature and the high grade :nod:
I like the structure and how you don't just tell a story but also contemplate on things like memory and friendship. What captivate me is that you never really say that he's dead! Your description is wonderful! :clap:
Also this sarcasm is a very fresh idea, it gives a great charm to it.
I read it twice and the second time it almost brought me to tears. The emotion is overwhelming. You did an amazing job! :faint:
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:iconmymidnightlove:
MyMidnightLove Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2007
I'm glad you liked it.
You know, people keep telling me it' good, but I really don't think it's that great! I got depressed one night, and wrote the whole thing in one go. lolz, oh well. I guess if people like it, I'm happy! Thanks for the comment and the faves too!

:damphyr:MML
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:icondrop-asd:
drop-asd Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2007
You're welcome! :aww:
Once a friend told me that when you just pour yourself on the paper those are the best things you can make. This was about a story I didn't like very much (just like you) but she said it was a masterpiece (omg!) which sounded ridiculous! :D
But I can say that yours really IS good :thumbsup:
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:iconroark28:
roark28 Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2007
This was really beautiful, I especially like the description of the funeral and how the speaker is a little cynical and jealous towards the people who didn't really know the other student before ("I wonder why suddenly now everyone knows so much about him"). Awesome job =)
Reply
:iconmymidnightlove:
MyMidnightLove Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2007
Yeah... I'm a terrible person... Everyone's grieving, and I decide to be bitter. lol. -sigh- Thanks for leaving a comment! I'm glad that you like it!
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:iconinanenotinsane:
InaneNotInsane Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2007
Wow. I really love this piece. It's just so...
good, you know?
It inspires me to write something that can convey a message without actually -needing- to convey it, you know? Like 'I'm going to write about this. It happened to me. This is what I felt. That's it.' It doesn't need to be dramatic, or tell you everything outright, because it's not written...-for- us, it's just...written. You don't add things to make us think 'Oh. I see.' because it tells us exactly what we need to know following your train of thought as it happened. It coneys a sense of peace and... I wouldn't say -contentment- based on the subject matter, but..you're just finished but not about to forget, you know? Like you've said what you've had to say and it's part of another bigger folder that marks that chapter of your life, and it's not quite closed, but...just filed away once you hit enter. And always open.
I especially love this line:
I pity them the most, because when the understanding comes, it comes with no forgiveness, and no sympathy.
It says everything that you could possibly mean, and it just...means as much as it needs to, you know? It's just a...perfect description. Nothing more, nothing less.

And I wanted to say thankyou, because it's made me realise exactly what is wrong with my writing-- I don't let things just... -be- in the writing. I make what I'm saying mean more than what's happening. And, then eventually, everything becomes absolutely nothing.

And the fact that you're in Year 8. Wow.
Though, I've often found with pieces like this, the teacher won't give a flip about what you've put into the writing, more what they get out of it, then they just stick a bunch of ticks on it.

(Sorry if I sound like a raving lunatic. I hope I made...some sense.)
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:iconmymidnightlove:
MyMidnightLove Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2007
No! Not a raving lunatic at all!! I'm really glad that you liked it and that it inspired you. I love when I get long comments and when people tell me what they think about my writing. It makes me feel really special!!! So Sannkyuu!!! haha
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