nice

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"I see an Inspiration in my Dream"
(sory my english not good)
member of The Dark Community

Repeat: I like the "k" one. It makes me happy.

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wisely and slow, they stumble that run fast
but that's no excuse to miss the bus.

The line with the letter K is the Klimax.

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in the midst of a thousand drops of red, a howl was heard from his beaten wrists...

insanity has set in...

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What being jobless means..

XD thanks, love the comment BTW. XD

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XD yeah, with every re-read and comment, I like that line more too.

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wheeeee... its mad skillz, wut?

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wisely and slow, they stumble that run fast
but that's no excuse to miss the bus.

Mmm... I like this!

I only have a couple suggestions, but they are only grammar ones (presentation is important!):

"It begins with a B, bubbling, bitter, bested,"

The comma after "B" is weak and inappropriate the way you have it here. Use a colon or a dash because you've created a list—

"It begins with a B: bubbling, bitter, bested,"

You misspelled "inevitable" in the fifth line. Only one "n," not two.

"And Never, Never will she be,"

I don't like the comma at the end after "be." The line break for "BROKEN" is a strong enough pause as is.

And I'm not sure I like "Never" stated twice like that. The comma doesn't seem like a strong enough pause. Maybe a colon or a dash would be better?


Anyway... the poem has a strong rhythm. I like the rhymes as well. And the short format adds to the poem's poignancy. Just mind your presentation is all the critique I really have.

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Clearfield Review: Prose, Poetry, Art.

Zomg, I <3 this! I remember it from your scraps, lolz.

>.o Hmmmm, I know you wants crit, but I can't really think of anything... Ish tho thuper thexy! (Sorry...that was uncalled for. XD)

Faaaaaav'd! Lolz.

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_{Geijutsu wa bakuhatsu da, un.}

XD thanks

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